what did you learn today?

When I was young as I arrived home from school, my daddy would say, "So, Chellee, what did you learn in school today?" I would inevitably respond with, "Aw, nothin'," To which he would say, "You might have just as well stayed home and helped yer mother then." This little scenario played out over and over throughout my youth. Even when I did learn something, I certainly didn't admit to it. That would have ruined our little after school game.

Well, my first semester back in college is over, and it was a dooze. My daddy isn't around anymore to actually ask me what I learned in school. How fiercely I miss him--his nearly completely bald head, his hilarious and completely ridiculous bedtime stories that sometimes included toilet paper wrapped around his head, and his big, warm daddy bear hugs that nearly squeezed the life out of me. Even though he isn't here to ask, I thought I'd tell you anyway. Here is what I learned in school:

1. College professors teach that you should teach what you intend for your students to learn, and test them accordingly. Then they put trick questions in their finals, and when you call them on it: "This is a trick question on the English language. I know the material, but the question is a trick. Which way am I supposed to answer it?" They look at you and smirk. Therefore, it isn't actually necessary to teach as you preach.

2. If I do my homework ahead of time and hand it in, I will be punished by being given extra homework to do, and this right at the end of the semester as finals approach. Therefore, drag your feet on all your assignments.

3. Math is more confusing than I ever knew. In base six, 5 + 5 = 14. In base eight, 5 + 5 = 12. In base nine, 5 + 5 = 11, and in base two, 5 + 5 = 1010. I expect this to come in handy every day the rest of my life.

4. If you live in the U.S. and you are white, you are bad simply by virtue of the color of your skin. This was drilled into my head quite laboriously. Therefore, I am very, very bad because I am very, very pale skinned.

5. I learned to make the flower that is pictured above in a presentation that a group of students did. It's rather lovely, isn't it? Possibly the best thing I learned all semester.

So, Daddy, nothing much has changed. I really should have stayed home and helped my mother.

a typical day

So here's a typical day in my life:

Get up, exercise, go to school, come home, study, go to bed. There are a few other things that manage to slip into the routine like eating and going to the bathroom, but for the most part, that routine is pretty secure.

Yesterday started out totally typical, until I was well into the study element of the day. As I sat at the computer, my senses were suddenly overwhelmed with the very strong scent of skunk. It was so strong that I feared the worst. Had a genius skunk figured out how to manipulate the doggie door? I crept down the stairs, looking carefully around every corner. As I did so, I imagined in my mind what I would do if I found myself face to face with a skunk. I'm pretty sure I'd abandon ship. This would definitely be an "every woman for herself" situation. Now if there was a fire in the house, I'd dash through the flames to save my child. If she was drowning in a whirlpool, I'd jump in and go down with her. If there was an earthquake and the house was falling down, I'd use my body as a shield to save her. But a skunk? Are you kidding? That's just asking too much. You're on your own, baby girl. But I digress.

Stealthily, I manuevered my way around the house, but there was no skunk within the premises. This left just one thing to do. I sought out Miley, picked her up and took a sniff. Clean. Then Noodle and I invited Chamine in. She looked a wee bit wet (translate: soaked) around the chin and chest and front legs. "But it's really wet outside," Noodle said hopefully. Yes, it had been raining, so we could only hope. Then we both knelt down and gingerly took a sniff. We reeled back in horror. Yes! Chamine had been hit by a skunk! Again! Does this dog not learn? Or could it be she likes this nasty smell!? A hundred thirty-eight ounces of tomato juice and a half bottle of doggie shampoo later, Chamine was 2% less stinky. I documented this event through pictures for you.

Oh, and I know you've been reading this whole time thinking, "And what does that little dog on the top have to do with anything?" Would you believe we got another dog?

Yes, I know you would believe it. The truth is we didn't. You may now heave a huge sigh of relief. That little dog is the rest of the story. As we were driving home from Harmon's with our 138 ounces of tomato juice, Noodle spotted a little dog running down the busy street. She instinctively pulled the car over and rescued the little beast. (I'm pretty sure this was motivated by the memory of Chamine missing for ten days, and she couldn't bear the thought of someone else without their beloved pet.) Fortunately, Marley was wearing a tag. We called his owners, and they came to rescue their baby.

Marley is returned to his owners, and Chamine smells a lovely scent of skunk/tomato juice/doggie shampoo.

And that was my atypical day. Can we go back to a typical day tomorrow?

what goes around . . .

So a friend of Danielle's went to Mexico for Spring break. This little creature, Miah, is a member of their family and got left behind. Naturally, we brought her over to be babysat. I mean, two dogs just wasn't enough around here. Now, we simply cannot move without stepping on a dog. At first, I thought this was a sure sign that we didn't need another dog. However, a couple days later, we've gotten pretty accustomed to Miah, and I'm not so sure we're going to let her go back home to her original family.

Chamine was pretty peeved to begin with. I could almost hear her talking. "Are you serious? You brought another little rat into the house?" But she adapted pretty quickly, and she has some pretty sweet coping skills. She either looks away or walks away when she gets ticked off. You see, Miah can't seem to manage the skill of getting through our doggy door, so once Chamine is out the door, she's in freedom land.

Miley, on the other hand, is learning what it was like for Chamine when she came along. Miah is all kinds of happy to play with Miley. I captured this on video for you. What goes around, comes around, Miley!

another cool picture

Remember when I went to the neurologist, took valium, laid in a tube, and had an MRI done? See cool picture of my brain below if you've forgotten. Well, I just had my follow up appointment. What you are seeing here is a picture of the human brain vascular system. No, it's not mine. I just thought sinced I'd provided you with a view of my brain it would only be fair to follow it up with a really cool picture of blood vessels.

So my neurologist says that my blood vessels have a small amount of scarring on them, which is totally normal for someone who suffers from migraines. What isn't totally normal is that I don't have a lot more scarring, given that I've been fighting migraines for thirty years. With the exception of that small amount of scarring, my brain is very healthy. No tumors. No cysts. No growths. No water sacs. Nothin'. (Quite frankly, I was just plain pleased to see there was even a brain in there!)

So Soodle, Poodle, Roodle, and Noodle . . . you can put away those lists you were starting entitled, "The possessions of Mom's that I want when her head blows up," cuz apparently my brain is very healthy. Migraines just make me THINK it's going to blow up.

this is your brain on . . .

Raise your hand if you remember the commercial where someone cracks an egg into a sizzling hot frying pan, and says, "This is drugs. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?"

I went to a neurologist a couple of weeks ago to see if anything can be done about my chronic migraines. Now that I'm in school, it doesn't seem really accommodating to have a migraine once or twice a week. My neurologist prescribed some new medications. Fortunately, (did I really say fortunately?) I had a migraine yesterday to test these medications. I'm pleased to report that they worked like a dream. Now I'm not holding my breath, partly because I just like to breathe, and partly because I'm reserving judgment for the incidence of a few more migraines to see if it really is effective more than once.

As a part of my treatment, the doctor had me submit to an MRI. One of the pre-questions she asked me was, "Are you claustrophobic?" When the answer to that was an immediate yes, valium became mandatory. I guess if you wiggle around violently in the MRI tube, slap the sides, and scream to be released, the MRI doesn't produce a very good result. So today I went in for my MRI, they administered the valium and sent me through the tube. I was a model patient, me and my valium. We laid there like we were dead.

Now let's discuss the super cool picture. I think I've discovered the problem in my brain already. Please look kind of in the center of the thing. Do you see the alien crawling into my brain? One leg is down, the other all ready boosted inside, and this creature is crawling inside my brain. I'm pretty sure that's what that is. No wonder I have migraines. There is an alien residing in my brain.

Anyway, I'm awake now. The valium has totally worn off, I swear.

This is valium. This is your brain on valium. Any questions?

back to school

So I finally decided what I want to be when/if I grow up. This grandma’s going back to school in elementary ed, and today was the first day of school. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about this new venture. I found a picture that seems to portray my feelings perfectly, much better than words could ever do.

doggie booties

Remember when I talked about Christmas stockings for the dogs? I wasn't kidding. They really got stuffed stockings. Here's my daughter, Noodle, showing Chamine and Miley their gifts. They were really excited, sniffing like they were professional bomb sniffing dogs and they'd just discovered the mother lode.

And in Miley's stocking, were these four very adorable booties. Don't laugh. This is for real. See she has this nice fur coat, but her little toesies get cold when we walk. At least that's what I thought. She doesn't complain or shiver or anything like that. I just thought it would be a very nice thing for a mother to do to put socks on her child's bare feet when she takes her for a walk.

So yesterday I got these warm, comfy booties out for their maiden voyage around the block and began to place them on Miley's feet. She wiggled a bit at first, but then she succumbed to my authority and allowed the procedure. It wasn't too bad, and pretty soon I had secured all four booties. I let her go, and this is what I saw.

I guess she wasn't a big fan. Apparently, as I was putting them on, she was kicking them off. I tried, Miley. I guess you'll have to have frozen toes.