qwest on a quest

You know how when the power goes out, you still walk in a room and flip the lightswitch? And when the water has been turned off, you still walk over to the faucet, put your hands under the non-existent flow, and turn the water on? How about when the Internet is out, and you sit down to the computer multiple times to check something out, look at your emails, read blogs, look up a word, check the distance between two points, google something, then google something else, check your own blog to see if anyone is leaving you comments, and finally, of course, google something. Yeah. I can't seem to quite get it through my head.

In fact, as I was thinking about how I didn't have the Internet, it occurred to me that I should hurry up and email a note to my kids so they would know that I don't have Internet and thus email. Oh. Wait, Stupid! That would require the Internet! Then as I was at my daughter's using the Internet one day, we were planning a little meal at my house. We talked about a certain recipe that I needed that she had. While sitting at her computer, using the Internet because I DON"T HAVE IT, I emailed myself a recipe so I could use it at home. WAIT, DUMMY! YOU DON'T HAVE THE INTERNET! Argh! My skull is thick!

I am just so used to having my luxuries of life that, Dude, I can't get along without them. I really don't know how to live without the Internet. I'm telling you it's like living in the dark ages. But I really feel like I have to tell the story, or rather VENT the story.

One day, the Internet just decided to go on strike at our house. One second it was there, the next it was not. Now I don't pretend to be a computer guru, but I'm not a novice either. I did all I could think of to try to fix the dang thing. I jumped through all the rebooting hoops I could think of--numerous times. I couldn't get the thing to come back to life. I called a computer guru, who pronounced the modem diseased and ready for burial. I bought a new modem. Hmmm. No fix there, folks.

Here's where the story takes the turn that makes me start to murmur and basically scratch my eyes out. I finally called Qwest. Qwest, folks. Qwest. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that Qwest was who my provider WAS. Yes, Qwest. I talked on the phone . . . Oh wait, I meant to say, I listened to an automated voice and responded in a yelling voice so that it would register my voice for roughly 45 minutes.

Finally, the automated system decided, in its infinite wisdom, that it couldn't fix my problem, and it finally patched me to a human being. I mean no ethnic slurs, but I was speaking to a Spanish speaking fellow. Why do companies do this? It really irks me. I want us all to have jobs, but someone who doesn't speak English well enough to be understood on the phone, SHOULDN'T BE ON THE PHONE TO THE ENGLISH SPEAKING PUBLIC! He put me through just about the same hoops as the recording had, and once again determined, in his infinite wisdom, that he couldn't fix my problem. So he scheduled a tech to come out.

Said tech showed up late afternoon, clearly unhappy to be there, clearly under the impression that his work day should be over and it was all my fault that he wasn't at home vegging in front of the tv with a cold beverage in his hand. He wanted nothing to do with me, my computer, or my computer lines. But dutifully, and in obvious irritation, he checked the lines and reported, in his infinite wisdom, that there was nothing wrong with them. I protested, telling him the Internet was clearly not working and that meant to me that there was something wrong. He asked if I had filters on my phone lines. Filters? He nearly rolled his eyes, but managed somehow to maintain his composure. He went to his truck and brought me two filters to put on my phone lines. Then he told me he was certain it would fix the problem. For sure it would fix the problem. Did he come in and check my Internet? No. Did he care? NO. Oh, guess what? The filters did not fix the problem.

Qwest was on a quest that day to lose a customer. When I get back from using the Internet at my daughter's (if I ever actually leave), Qwest is losing my business. I've already set up the appointment. I'm going to find out how Baja Broadband treats its customers. Rumor has it that they don't have to be very awesome to beat out QWEST.