Tuesday, July 14, 2009

you're welcome


A week or so ago while traveling the freeway, I saw some interesting things on the road.

1. 80 mph test sections: Did you know that there are "test sections" on the freeway? I found this really quite interesting for a number of reasons. First of all, these nice 80 mph test sections just made it so that I was no longer breaking the speed limit. (Did I just admit that I break the law?) But then, of course, a very strange thing happened. I was no longer going 80 mph. Maybe just a few miles faster than that. (Or maybe more than a few miles, but I'm not telling.) Then when the "test section" ended, it was really hard to want to slow back down to that other over-the-speed-limit speed that I was originally going. Was this a test in obedience? Then I wondered, well, if this was a test, where can I pick up my test scores. Will they be posted on my professor's door according to my social security number like good old college days? Hmmm. Maybe they'd have to use my license plate number instead. And finally, a test is usually testing something. What were we testing? Were we testing to see if people would still go faster than the speed limit. Well that's a no-brainer. Were we testing to find out if it would save gas? It's not a very effective test then cuz you didn't monitor my gas consumption. Were we possibly testing to see if a higher speed would result in more accidents and fatalities? So basically, what you're saying, is at the end of the day, we're going to count dead bodies and see if it's a hazard to drive at higher speeds. That's disturbing.

2. Rubber neckers: So I was on the freeway in my 80 mph test section, happily sailing at this new top speed, thinking I would arrive at my destination at least two hours early because of this increased speed, and there was a sudden slow down. I thought to myself, "There must be a bad accident to be slowing traffic like this." I finally arrived at the bottleneck. Nope. No accident. Someone was getting a ticket, and every rubber neck driver that drove by had to crane his/her neck around to see the action. (Thus the name rubber neckers.) I mean I wouldn't want to miss that little slip of paper passing from cop to driver. That would be plain sad.

3. Lane shifters: No, these were not shape-shifters, although I think they'd like to be. In said slow traffic while all the rubber neckers were stretching their rubber necks around, people were also shifting lanes like crazy. Do you really think you'll arrive there that much faster? You might beat me by 20 seconds. But that might be just the right timing to see that little ticket slip from paw to paw. Oh, suddenly I see your point in shifting lanes erratically.

4. The carpool lane: This is an interesting little doodad. It is meant to encourage people to drive with more than one person in the car. You can take this one lane if you're not alone in your car. This is supposed to be a privilege, and I think it's meant to help you get where you're going faster. I tried this lane a long time ago. I don't much prefer it. Why? Because, here's what happens. Someone who has more than one person in their car takes this privilege very seriously, and they sail into the lane. Then happily they drive along--at a snail's pace! Oh, I suppose you know, but in case you don't, once you are in this lane, you can't go out again until the dotted line on the ground reappears. You're stuck there, following someone who thinks they just arrived at naptime. Then you drive along behind this snoozer and watch with great chagrine as all the rest the world drives on by. If you're there long enough, you'll see yourself drive by on your next trip up. That's how bad this lane is. Yeah, carpool schmarpool. I avoid it.

5. End of work zone: Now this is my favorite. Along the way there were a couple of work zones. There was a sign posted at the beginning of the zone, advising that you are entering a work zone and warning you that you'll be double fined for speeding. I finally got through the work zone, and posted at the end of the zone was another sign: "End of work zone. Thank you. 1-800-xxx-xxxx" It's nice that they advise you that the work zone has ended. You might not see that there are no longer gigantic orange cones on the road. You could miss that I suppose. And the "thank you" is a nice, polite touch. But what is the phone number for? Should I call and order take-out pizza? Maybe call and rant about the slow down? Hey, maybe if I call, they'll give me my test score! Or should I just ring them up and say, "You're welcome!"?


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