just one dog

So at our house, we have this same conversation, with small variations, from time to time:

daughter: Mom! So did you know we have two dogs?
mom: What?! When did this happen?
daughter: I don't know. I just noticed it today.
mom: Why would anyone need two dogs? That's ridiculous.
daughter: Seriously! But Mom! We have two dogs!

Sometimes we switch dialog parts. Sometimes the conversation takes place in bouncing text messages, but the conversation just seems to keep repeating itself.

There was a time when we had a dog, a cat, a frog, three birds, and a fish or two. Whenever we went on vacation, we had to hire a regular zookeeper to come look after our domain, with a pamphlet designating who to feed what, where, and when. That really seemed ridiculous to have so many pets, but who would have ever thought we'd cave in to having two dogs?

We're not supposed to have two dogs. I got Miley for my daughter living far away who needed some company. It was supposed to be a birthday present, and I was keeping her until I could give her to her for her birthday. As it turned out, Miley immediately bonded to me; I sort of fell in love with her; and the next thing we knew she was staying instead of merely lodging here for a short stint.

I'd like to say, however, that in some ways they're just one dog. See Chamine was and is such a bad barker that we had her voice box removed. Sad day for our family. My children still have not forgiven me for this. They're certain I'm going to spend my eternities rotting in a very deep, dark place for this black deed. Her bark was deep and ferocious and actually really beautiful. Also really annoying to next door neighbors. So Chamine still attempts a barking frenzy, and she thinks she's all tough and warding off the world's most horrifying predators, but she sounds mostly like a dog squeak toy. However, Miley fills in where Chamine can't quite be up to snuff in the barking zone. Miley can bark, and let me tell you, it's a sharp little annoying sound too. Chamine is big enough to see out the front window and therefore sound the alert that there is something going on in the front yard. Usually a butterfly flew by or a blade of grass moved. Who knows? It's even possible that a grasshopper hopped! Miley picks up the alert and dutifully passes it on even though she has no clue what she is freaking out about.

Then let's talk about bite. Well, Miley's just plain too scared of her own shadow to bite someone else's, much less to bite an actual living being. Then there's Chamine. She's not afraid to bite, and she will if she thinks that she or anyone in her territory has been threatened. I feel safe with her around, but let's face it, it's not cool when she bites the guy who came to paint your new door for you, or the guy who just arrived to work in your yard. Really. Not cool. So as it turns out, Miley has the bark and Chamine has the bite.

Let's talk about fear. Fear is a realm where Chamine does not, has not lived. She's fearless. She's afraid of nothing, and is quite ferocious if she feels threatened. However, with us, she's as sweet as a little baby puppy. Now on the other hand, Miley lives in that realm. Fearful is her domicile. Her address is 1234 I'm Scared of Everything, Don't Hurt Me USA. She runs from all large objects. And when you're roughly less than a foot tall and less than ten pounds, pretty much EVERYTHING is LARGE. Sticks any larger than a chew stick are the worst. Loud things? Well, she's out the doggy door when the vacuum turns on.

Now here's an interesting phenomenon. If you call one dog: "Here Chamine, C'mere, c'mon." It doesn't matter what your pitch is or how sweetly you call, that one dog whether it is Chamine or Miley will likely look at you with indignance, "What? You calling me? How dare you!" While the other dog comes running lickety-split. Now it's not that they don't know their names. They do. That's been proven with the "Do you wanna treat, Chamine?" multiple times. No, here's what I figure. When they hear their own name being called, they just don't want to move. "Seriously? Are you bugging me right now?" But when they hear the other name, they want to be stinking sure that they're not missing out on something that the other one is getting. Pretty sure that's what's going on here.

So, soon after we got Miley, we got a doggy door. That little thing was crying to go out and then turning around and crying to come back in so much that I was going crazy. The doggy door is a lifesaver. It was quite the challenge to get Miley to go through in the beginning however, but Chamine just pushed on through. "Oh, you want me to do what? You want me to go where? That little hole? Sure, no problem." (See the paragraph on fearful and fearless for an explanation of these behaviors.) It took some serious prompting, pleading, and bribing to get Miley through. We had to use some serious treats, and none of that doggy treat stuff. We had to resort to people food to get her through the door. It took awhile, but Life cereal finally did the trick. One day when we were practicing this new found skill, we called to Miley to come through the doggy door, displaying the awesome treat waiting for her on the other side. Not to be left out of this treat giving frenzy, Chamine headed straight for the door. Miley ducked under her body, and they came through together--same time! And dude, it's not a very big doggy door!

So as you can very well see, these two dogs are quite a complement to each other in so many ways that really they function quite nicely as one.

Who said we have two dogs? That's utterly ridiculous.